Wednesday, October 11, 2006
African Americans Should Date Outside Their Race by Akindele Akinyemi
I have no faith in Black Relationships in our community.
Sorry, but when I look at the numbers in our community there is no hope for successful relationships in our community.
We divorce higher than other races and we have the highest number of single parents anywhere in the country right here in Detroit.
We go to counseling, we go to the psychologist, we go to church and follow the Bible, we receive the Word and STILL we divorce, break up, etc.
We even go as far as looking at the Zodiac and STILL we do not prevail.
Are we lying to ourselves when we say let's wait and see what God has in store for us? Are we in some holding pattern? Are we so booked to the point where we do not have time to find love and happiness because we hide behind our pain by working long hours and face depression on our own? Some of us have been waiting a lifetime and two generations with no success.
What was the formula for our elders in our family of staying together for 50 years? Look at the late Ozzie Davis and Ruby Dee. They were married for 57 years before Ozzie passed on February 4, 2005 in Miami, Fla.
How come we do not have those success stories in our community anymore?
Some blame it on education while others blame it on drugs and the lack of financial support. But what I see in our community is even if we are on the same level financially and academically we still break up.
The reason that we break up is fear and paranoia. How the hell can you be friends with someone over a period of time, worship together and have the same, exact values, yet, when you want something deeper the other person back off? It's ridiculous. This is deeply rooted in fear.
Fear is the reason why relationships do not work. We are afraid to face our own demons as well as other people's demons. We hate to look at our own skeletons in the closet. Of all the church going people I know personally they will not commit to a person that they are crazy about, love secretly, etc. because of fear. They tell their girls, boys, etc but will not confront the person head on.
When I see young people together I hope for the best of them and encourage them to even marry at one point. But there are so many people out here just want to screw for the health of it and even Erykah Badu did not set a good example by just having children out-of-wedlock. But our sisters and brothers have children out of wedlock all the time at a young age and while we have a broken spiritual system in our community this lifestyle leads to welfare and poverty.
There was one point in time when I was a Black Nationalist I would frown on Black men who were married to White women and Black women married to white men. Nowadays, I can care less because perhaps the problem with us is that when we limit our happiness to a race of people we do not see the bigger picture. God created all of us with the same blood so what's the problem?
In other words, are we wasting our time just sitting for that sister who might not come? Are we wasting our time with a brother who will never come to Christ? Are we limiting ourselves by just dating inside our race while the world have given us something bigger to offer? There are Mexicans, Asians and White people to choose from and yet we are afraid to date outside our race because of Jungle Fever?
This is absurd. We should not limit ourselves to fell good tactics like we come from kings and queens of Africa when these same kings and queens are not willing to stay in a relationship for the long haul. Would you consider the spiritually confused a person you would want to get with? What about the brother who you look at in church who has nothing and have been very abusive in his last relationship but you like him because you feel you can change his life? What about the sister who has no education but want to get and will sleep with you if necessary to control you?
If we are not going to be honest with ourselves then we should be looking for someone outside the race who will take care of us. Does color really matter? Do we have to keep it real all the time on the outside and be miserable on the inside and hide behind the Bible and quote scriptures when in fact this is a smokescreen to hide your deep depression because you might feel you are getting older, do not have children and feel like you are on a biological time clock?
Do we have to always work harder for our sisters even though you have pulled yourself up from the bootstraps and have helped our sisters but when you want to be more than friends they run away or dodge the issue all together? The same with women trying to get with brothers?
There is no hope for Black Relationships because there is no hope for us. I find so many women who would rather be single because of the pain they have to endure and I am finding more men becoming single because the pool of intelligent, credible Black women is small. If there was hope we would not be playing ourselves in our community. Black men would come home at a decent hour and Black women would act decent in public and not berate their men in public.
If we cannot fix this with each other then we should date outside our race. Period.